Grief is a funny thing...

May 18.

There's nothing particularly special about today. It's just a typical Wednesday. It's not an anniversary of her death, or her birthday, or any other special day related to her. But, today, grief hit...hard.

I was enjoying my coffee and prayer time this morning, not even thinking of my Grandma, when the tears came. Not one or two stray ones. Nope. It was the full-blown water works.

I was hit with the realization (again) that she won't be there when I go back to the US this summer. I will never hear her laugh again or have her tell me that I've gained weight. I won't ever laugh at her stories or simply enjoy her presence. She won't tell me about how she prays for me each and every day...or that she wishes I could spend more time at home. Instead, I am left with only memories.

Grief is a funny thing. You can go for days or weeks without feelings its effects, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it hits you. You feel things that can only be expressed in tears. And, try as you might, those tears aren't stopping anytime soon...no matter if you need to leave for work or not.

Today was one of those days.

So, I just let the tears come. I reflected on her life and our relationship, of the things I miss about her and the things I've learned from her. And, then, when the tears stopped, I cleaned my face and went on with my day. Though, thoughts of her aren't far away today.

I know I'm not the only one who struggles with grief. I also know that it will come again, for a different person or a different situation. But, today - today, I needed a bit of space to cry again, to grieve. And, I'm sure the tears will come again...probably soon after I return to the US. But, that's ok. They're a natural part of this process.

So, here's you to, Gram! I love you and I'm so thankful to have known you.

God's Provision

This quarter, I’m taking a class called Interpretive Practices. In it, we’re learning how to interpret and use the Bible for today. What is the historical context of the passage? What was the original meaning of the text? And, how can it apply to my life today? It’s been an interesting class, in part, because we’re required to spend time reading and reflecting on different passages of Scripture. Oh the things we can learn! J

One of my class assignments was to study a narrative story from the Bible and then interpret it; both from a historical standpoint and as an application for today. I chose the story of Elijah and the widow of Zarephath (1 Kings 17), where God promised the widow that she wouldn’t run out of flour and oil during the famine. Not only did he provide the oil and flour (every day for the duration of the famine – about 3.5 years), he even brought her son back to life. It’s a pretty powerful story; you should take time to re-read it!

That paper inadvertently started me on a journey of finding passages on God’s provision. Without planning it, I’ve found myself reading (and sometimes re-reading) certain passages, only to realize they too talk about God’s provision. Even from the beginning, where God provided a helpmate for Adam, and later even after Adam and Eve disobeyed God, HE provided them with garments of skin. Or how God provides strength to the weak and weary. Like a father, he gives good gifts to his children.

God is a God who provides. He longs to do it. But sometimes, I forget that.

As I enter into a new season filled with unknowns, I hope that I can remember to trust in the Great Provider…the one who knows me and my needs better than I know myself. May I continue to recognize all of the ways he provides.

Wait, it's February?!

I can't believe it's already February! Life has been a whirlwind since the start of the new year.


January started with the death of my first grandparent, my Grandma Nofziger. I don't really have words to express how much I loved and appreciated her. She was one of my most consistent prayer warriors. She was one who made me laugh (and sometimes cry from laughing too hard!), but would also challenge me to new ways of thinking. She wasn't afraid of asking the hard questions.

People have often told me how much I look like her, but I honestly didn't really see it until they pulled out old photos of her for the funeral. It's a bit uncanny. But, I feel honored too. I'm honored to take after her.

Life feels strange without her in it, and yet, I know that she's no longer in pain or suffering. I know that she's in heaven with Jesus and reconnecting with loved ones who have gone before. But, I miss her. No, I didn't see her very often, but I thought of her a lot. It's weird to think that she won't be there the next time I'm in the US. Thankfully, she'll always remain in our hearts, and I will see her again one day. That brings me comfort.

Laurie in Amsterdam

January ended with my return to Prague, with my sister, Laurie, in tow. It was great to have her here with me for two weeks. We spent some time in Amsterdam, but mainly hung out in Prague. She even helped out at the Family Center, with the kids' lesson! :)

Thanks for coming, Laurie! It was great to not only have you here, but to show you what "normal life" looks like for me. Thanks for putting up with me dragging you to lessons or checking out a new flat or simply sitting at home while I worked on my schoolwork. Too bad we didn't have more time visit the rest of the sweet shops on your list...guess you have to come again! And, even if we finished off a whole pound of coffee during your visit, it was worth it! :)

In Old Town Square 

Looking back, looking forward

It's that time again...the end of one year and the beginning of a new one. 2015 was filled with many good and enjoyable, as well as challenging and emotional, things. But, as I look back over the year, I can honestly say that I was blessed. God met me in many ways. For that, I am grateful.

As you may remember from my 30 Days of Thankfulness entries, I have much to be thankful for in 2015. Things like family, friends and sabbath rest top the list. But there are so many other intangible things too. Like...how I've grown as a person or the knowledge I've gained. I can safely say I'm not the same person I was when I started 2015. Hopefully I've become a better version of myself.

I know I still have struggles. I am not always loving and compassionate. I get frustrated and angry. I succumb to stress. I get overwhelmed by situations and workloads. But, in the midst of that, I am able to see God's hand at work in me. And, while I don't always recognize the symptoms of these unhealthy behaviors, I do hope I've grown a little in both recognizing and preventing them.

As I look to 2016, my prayer is that I will become more loving. I want to love others as Jesus loves. I want to see others as Jesus sees them. I want my heart to break for people and situations like His does. I don't know what this new year will bring, but I look forward to how it unfolds. And, at the end of 2016, I hope to look back and see more growth in my life.

Blessings upon each of you in 2016!