May 18.
There's nothing particularly special about today. It's just a typical Wednesday. It's not an anniversary of her death, or her birthday, or any other special day related to her. But, today, grief hit...hard.
I was enjoying my coffee and prayer time this morning, not even thinking of my Grandma, when the tears came. Not one or two stray ones. Nope. It was the full-blown water works.
I was hit with the realization (again) that she won't be there when I go back to the US this summer. I will never hear her laugh again or have her tell me that I've gained weight. I won't ever laugh at her stories or simply enjoy her presence. She won't tell me about how she prays for me each and every day...or that she wishes I could spend more time at home. Instead, I am left with only memories.
Grief is a funny thing. You can go for days or weeks without feelings its effects, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it hits you. You feel things that can only be expressed in tears. And, try as you might, those tears aren't stopping anytime soon...no matter if you need to leave for work or not.
Today was one of those days.
So, I just let the tears come. I reflected on her life and our relationship, of the things I miss about her and the things I've learned from her. And, then, when the tears stopped, I cleaned my face and went on with my day. Though, thoughts of her aren't far away today.
I know I'm not the only one who struggles with grief. I also know that it will come again, for a different person or a different situation. But, today - today, I needed a bit of space to cry again, to grieve. And, I'm sure the tears will come again...probably soon after I return to the US. But, that's ok. They're a natural part of this process.
So, here's you to, Gram! I love you and I'm so thankful to have known you.
There's nothing particularly special about today. It's just a typical Wednesday. It's not an anniversary of her death, or her birthday, or any other special day related to her. But, today, grief hit...hard.
I was enjoying my coffee and prayer time this morning, not even thinking of my Grandma, when the tears came. Not one or two stray ones. Nope. It was the full-blown water works.
I was hit with the realization (again) that she won't be there when I go back to the US this summer. I will never hear her laugh again or have her tell me that I've gained weight. I won't ever laugh at her stories or simply enjoy her presence. She won't tell me about how she prays for me each and every day...or that she wishes I could spend more time at home. Instead, I am left with only memories.
Grief is a funny thing. You can go for days or weeks without feelings its effects, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it hits you. You feel things that can only be expressed in tears. And, try as you might, those tears aren't stopping anytime soon...no matter if you need to leave for work or not.
Today was one of those days.
So, I just let the tears come. I reflected on her life and our relationship, of the things I miss about her and the things I've learned from her. And, then, when the tears stopped, I cleaned my face and went on with my day. Though, thoughts of her aren't far away today.
I know I'm not the only one who struggles with grief. I also know that it will come again, for a different person or a different situation. But, today - today, I needed a bit of space to cry again, to grieve. And, I'm sure the tears will come again...probably soon after I return to the US. But, that's ok. They're a natural part of this process.
So, here's you to, Gram! I love you and I'm so thankful to have known you.
Thanks for this, Stacy. Blessings while you remember.
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