A little lesson on grace...

Grace.

I’ve heard this word all of my life. I’ve received it from others. I’ve granted it to others. But, why is it I struggle with extending it to myself?

This isn’t something new for me. Ask any of my former co-workers, my friends or my family. They’ll probably be able to recount numerous times when this came up…or when they’ve had to challenge me to step away from the situation and to give myself grace…or remind me that I didn’t fail them because they didn’t expect perfection from me.

Apparently, I have such ridiculously high expectations of myself that when I don’t meet those standards…I feel like I’ve failed.

I’ve let myself down.

I’ve let other people down (at least in my mind).

And most of all, I’ve let God down (again, in my mind).

Let me just say that I have had to deal with this problem head-on since coming to Prague. Why you ask? Because I’ve been sitting in a classroom for the past 8+ months trying to learn a very complex language…and nearly pulling my hair out doing it.

School always came pretty easily to me. Yes, I studied for tests and things, but not nearly as much as I should have…and yet, I always managed to do well.

But, learning Czech hasn’t been as easy. I’ve struggled to understand concepts. I’ve struggled to remember vocabulary. I’ve struggled with sentence structure. I’ve struggled with…[fill in the blank]…

Somehow, I’ve managed to do fairly well on the tests up to this point. At least until the last one. That test, I got the worst grade I’ve EVER received on a test. I couldn’t believe it. After all these months, all this practice, all the studying, all the trying…I actually got a worse grade than on any other test…in my life?!

Yes, I was frustrated. And annoyed at myself. And I definitely felt like a failure. Grace was the last thing on my mind.

Until I was able to realize that one test score does not define who I am.

It will not change who I have been created to be.

It doesn’t change the fact that I am called to be in this place.

When I look at it through God’s eyes, I realize I don’t have to be perfect. Not in my class. Not in speaking the language without error. Not in building a zillion relationships. There’s no such thing as a perfect Christian, a perfect missionary or a perfect Stacy.

I am called to be obedient. End of story.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to learn this grace lesson…but I think it may be a life-long journey.