Conquering Doubt

I’ve written this blog numerous times in my head over the past few weeks, but finally have gotten around to actually writing and posting it so you can see it too. :)

After that whirlwind summer I mentioned, I got right back into the swing of things here. I spent the month of August taking an intensive TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course here in Prague. While it was a good class, and I feel like I learned how to be a better teacher, it was exhausting. Plus, it was quite weird for me to be living in Prague, and yet not really experiencing Prague as I have known it (hanging out with mostly Americans and other ex-pats instead of Czechs). Not bad, just different.

I had a week in between when the TEFL course ended and my responsibilities at the Family Center began. That week, the first week of September, played havoc on my mind. You would think that after taking a course on how to teach English, I would feel prepared, excited, and confident to teach. Instead, I was plagued with doubt, insecurity and wondered if I’d be able to do it. I spent time in prayer, in reading the Word, and yet the doubts lingered. It felt all-consuming and overwhelming when I thought about my schedule and the number of lessons I’d need to prepare.

Thankfully, one day God spoke to me through King Hezekiah. I was reading in Isaiah 36 and 37. It’s the story of when the Assyrian King threatened Israel, saying that he would conquer their nation and that God couldn’t stop him. The people who heard him remained silent while he threatened them, because they trusted Hezekiah and what he said about God…that God would save them. In the very next section (chapter 37), it says that after Hezekiahs’ leaders reported these events to him, he tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and went into the temple to pray. Later on, it mentions that he went in and prayed again, proclaiming the truth of God and His promises.

You see, even Hezekiah struggled with doubt. He thought he heard the Lord. He believed that God had spoken. But then the doubts came, as the enemy seemed to advance. Had God spoken? Would God follow through with what He had said? We know that God had indeed spoken to Hezekiah, and that He did follow through on what He claimed He would do.

This is what gave me hope too. It reminded me that God has called me here. That He will equip me with all that I need. That He loves this country more than I do. That He will use me for His purposes. It’s not how good of a teacher I am (don’t get me wrong, I still want to be a good teacher and want my students to learn!), but how God wants to work through me to touch lives. I can walk in confidence, knowing God is leading.

As for the doubts, yeah, sometimes they’re still there, but God helps me to overcome them. Thank goodness I don’t have to do that on my own!